When you're a single person interested in being married, how do you know when you have found someone that you will spend the rest of your life with? Honestly, you never really know. You hope. You believe. You have faith that the person that you plan to marry will follow through with it. You have faith that the person you marry will be committed to you in every sense of the word. And, you have faith that you alone will be the object of his or her desire forever. We all hope for this in faith.
I had a conversation this week with a co-worker who described two friends of hers that were unmarried, intimate partners. Last week, the young man decided that he was finally going to propose to her after dating for four years. My coworker went with him to pick out a ring. He didn't purchase the ring that day thinking that he would go back another day to look again. But, that night his world was turned upside down after his girlfriend informed him that she was leaving him. A couple of days later, he learned that she had gotten engaged to someone else and was moving in with this other man.
Admittedly, I don't know the details of this couple's relationship. But, I offer it as an example of sexuality and intimacy in our culture. You can think that you are ready to marry someone one minute only to realize the next day that this will never happen. In the meantime, if you have been having sexual intercourse with this person you realize that you've given your most personal treasure to someone who has now moved on to the next intimate relationship. While there are no guarantees to faithful intimacy when one gets married (e.g., look at the nationally publicized case of South Carolina's Gov. Sanford's adultery), there is certainly more commitment--or at least legal and financial repercussions for infidelity.
Now for Rob and Celia, it is good that they are having the conversation about their own sexual relationship. As Christians looking for guidance in a culture that treats sexual expression like a commodity, I would refer them to the Bible--a guide that has been lacking in their conversations. Our culture tends to see sex outside of marriage as fine as long as it is monogamous. Scripture, however, forbids serial monogamy--considering it adulterous. I would refer Rob and Celia to Matthew chapter 5:27-28 as a starting point for their discussion. It reads as follows "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But, I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." I would also point them towards 1 Corinthians 6:18 which starts out saying "Flee fornication." And, 1 Corinthians 7:2 which reads, "Nevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."
I know these scriptures seem extreme in our Western culture. But, God's Word stands the test of time. God expects us to commit ourselves sexually to one person for a lifetime--not our culture's ideal of serial monogamy. And, God honors our pursuit of this ideal with supernatural blessings--I certainly can attest to that one. There are no guarantees as humans make bad decisions all the time. But, when a couple waits until marriage to express themselves sexually I believe that there is a natural and spiritual significance to this delayed gratification. I hope Rob and Celia can wrestle with those scriptures in a way that enriches their relationship and their faith.
